As I am writing this on Sunday evening I am in excrutiating pain but you guys know what? I had fun this weekend. As usual when I get off the Island. Tonight I will take painkillers and a sleeping pill and it’ll knock me out. Until then, I’m sitting here clapping to this video (I’m so riled up you have no idea) in front of my computer.

Friday afternoon right after lunch I could no longer wait to go to ZEC Lavigne for small game (grouse) hunting and I just threw my backpacks (unzipped with my stuff falling off) and my crossbow in the car. Phone, wallet, keys, my two cameras, action cam and hunting license on me? There’s already two tents, two sleeping bags and tons of gear in the car. Good to go, let’s try to skip traffic through Repentigny.

I was in such a hurry to leave this angering city and blast my angry music (let me tell you that Sleep Token was the LAST thing I wanted to listen to at that moment) but by the time the road became curvier and the forest became denser I was already in a better mood, I felt like I was back home. It’s insane how just driving an hour away from the metropolis is game changer.

I intended to go alone but I decided to do what I usually don’t do and I asked people to come with me. It was pretty last minute to invite people off the grid for an entire weekend, two hours away from the city but Cherif showed up like a champ! He showed up with food like I asked, because I was in charge of everything else (he doesn’t have any camping gear). He was wearing jeans and Puma sneakers, and seriously I was surprised he wasn’t wearing an Adidas tracksuit (this guy looks like an absolute cliche lol). I don’t really care about people’s gear (I’m a princess when it comes to my own gear) and others can do whatever they want as long as they don’t complain.

I told him to leave his Corolla at the chalet because there’s no way his car would make it and I’m pretty sure he’s happy he hopped in my all wheel drive CRV. I doubt he would’ve made it home after that.

And then… I heard the call of the Wild. Awaye let’s go.

I reserved a tent spot at the St-Amour Lake because the original plan was to rock climb the wall there but… I forgot my rock climbing gear at home. Uh. For once I thought I had everything! We set up camp behind the rock and the picnic spot and we pretty much just chilled for the evening. We had a nice view on a field where you could hear the howling. We made a fire and ate, discussed a bazillion things (from fire starting methods, to how in a decade or two maybe I’ll trip and fall on a trail and some Aymeric de Borel carrying a bow will trip on me and help me back to my dirt bike and that’s how I’ll meet the love of my life lol). We went to bed around midnight and I slept like a rock.

The next morning, around 0545, I hear ‘Emma wake up! Wake up! Wake up!’ Who DARES disturb my weekend sleep in my cozy sleeping bag?! We got up, got ready for the day and decided to go for a hike with the crossbow. You know what else I realized I forgot? The second walky talkie (I remember leaving it on the charger in the kitchen), socks and a pair of pants. Wow. Bravo me. I had three pairs of shorts in Tick Land.

We walked all over the place, on the road, in the woods, on rocks, in the swamp (you’ll see in my YouTube video when it’s done… I got stuck in that Canadian Bayou)… We heard so much wildlife, even a turkey, coyotes (unless they were wolves…. but I’m pretty sure they were coyotes) and a moose, but we’re not really good at tracking animals. Everytime we would try to go after them for pictures we couldn’t find anything.

After sightseeing at one of the lakes we came back and even though it took us 3 hours to go, it was about 30 minutes to come back on the main road. 3 or 4 kms through the woods is a really, really long walk.

I recorded a bit and just walked around through the woods while Cherif was cooking, and for the afternoon we decided to take the car and we headed north. We stopped at every lake that was easily accessible by foot (everyone else was either driving a quad or a dirt bike) and wow there were some absolutely stunning spots. We basically had the only camping spot that wasn’t secluded and lakefront, everywhere else were 5 stars would-totally-recommend spots.

We got back before the sun came down and even though I wanted to swim in the St-Amour Lake, around 1700 the temperature started to drop and it was time to start a fire. We partied like witches on Beltane. Our discussions were so animated that I didn’t realize I got in my sleeping bag at 3 am!

Once again, very early, all I could hear was ‘Emma! Wake up! Emmaaaaaaaaaa!’ Uuuuuuh the raccoon fur I was using as a pillow isn’t big enough to cover my entire face and both my ears. Alright, time to roll.

We packed up the camp, boiled some water for the road (I carry aquatabs and two Nalgene bottles now, I learned from last weekend) and we were ready for the day. This time we headed south.

Once again, everything was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I took tons of pictures, we just chilled by one of the lakes and enjoyed the sound of nature. I did decide to dip my toes, but the water was so good I went further. I didn’t want to swim though, because I know very well that once my vital organs hit the water it’ll destroy me.

Around 1300 it was time to start thinking about going home… we drove back, dropped the papers (no catch, but we still have to let them know) and we each got back to our cars. Cherif left back for the city but for me, the Sunday afternoon dread is a real thing.

After an entire weekend without data, charging everything with a solar panel and power banks, I started to see the email rolling in that I had to reply to. The city life was calling me back.

I took the road back to the main road (actually called Rue Principale here) and I turned left instead of right. Just to drive under the sun. After driving around a bit I came back and stopped at a diner where I had the BEST hamburger of my life and fried pickles. The hamburger had cheese, TONS of spicy sauce, an onion ring and real – real, very real – fresh lettuce in it. I swear after this burger I will no longer go to McDonald’s. And the fried pickles… Why don’t I make them at home? What is wrong with me?

There were so many trails and lakes on the way back I wanted to stop to fish (I always keep two rods in my car) and hike, but I had a moment of wooooah no I gotta get home (I didn’t take any of my meds or supplements this weekend and I didn’t have my accucheck or any source of sugar with me). I still didn’t rush back home.

This weekend, I was really proud of myself for asking other people to tag along, even though only Cherif could come. I didn’t feel any anxiety, even though yes I was a bit nervous, but I find the crippling anxiety I’ve been struggling with for years is something that I can now attack from a different angle. I now realize that I do nothing wrong and it’s not my fault if other people are just selfish or not nice. Coincidentally, the nightmares stopped and my sleep paralysis demon friend doesn’t show up anymore. For those who don’t know about it out there, during the week my life is all online, in front of my monitors, webcam and keyboard, with my headset on, I order my groceries on InstaCart and when I can, I just GTFO as far as I’m willing to drive. For strangers this might be weird that I write this down here but for the few people who know me IRL, they know how insane it is that I improved this much and that I can now share this. Because, trust me, 3 weeks ago I wouldn’t even have shared any of my thoughts with my roommate and linking music I like in my posts? Never, that’s too personal.

I had so much fun and such lively conversations with Cherif I didn’t even open a book, we didn’t discuss local networks, I didn’t take out the hat I was knitting or studied anything. I felt like I was facing myself, but a version who’s not nervous, doesn’t have ADHD and actually interacts with people out there, less nerdy. I swear, never, in my 33 years of this life (because obviously I don’t remember the past ones) have I met someone who could read right through me after 24 hours, until now. Now that I got to know him offline, he is totally not who I thought he was when I only knew him online, and he’s climbing up the ladder of BFF already. I kept thinking of my brother and I really did wish Mike was there. I also did have a 5 minutes of feeling sad and wishing the kids were there too but as optimistic as I am I shook myself and remembered that now I know which camping spots they would absolutely adore.

If he wasn’t there, I knew at midnight I would’ve been screaming Kingdom of Cards on top of my lungs to the coyotes instead of just laughing, chilling and talking about things I like.

Next weekend I really want to go back to either Zec Lavigne or Kanatha-Aki, as fall is the best time for outdoor adventures (and also my favorite season) and I don’t pass out in the scorching heat but obviously, I can’t just avoid my city life forever (or at least not for the following year). I have a math test already coming up, kids to take care of, the house and car to prepare for winter, bla bla bla… I could go on forever but you get what I mean.

In two weeks though, I’ll be back out, this time with the kids AND my sister. Cherif will def be down to tag along again, that’s for sure! This time I might need more power banks and more USB-C cables for everyone.

Until then, for the next two weeks, I’ll be studying for my first math test (preparation for my college application), Palaye Royale’s concert is pretty soon, tons of medical appointments, got my Vessel cosplay to keep working on (Cherif and Jo are coming to the Halloween Party and I got the VIP ticket), the Akai pad has been calling my name, asking me ‘mommy, when are you FINALLY gonna get back to your Rain cover?’ (btw, still looking for someone who can sing cuz I’m absolute Scheisse), I really want to put my aerial hoop back up, I’m going back to the gym (I mean, while everyone prioritize their summer bod Vessel is not a chonk raccoon, so I prioritize my All Hallow’s Eve bod) and I also want to get back into contemporary dance but now I feel like I’m pushing it too far. Oh yeah, the YouTube video.

Until then, stay put! I’ll see you guys back again in two weeks. Thank you so much for reaching the end of this post.